Tuesday, 14 June 2011

The Oblong Hamster of Tenochtitlan

Well I welcome you all to another random blog post! Huzzah!

Today I will be performing the world renound Aztec play "The Oblong Hamster of Tenochtitlan!"

Or I would if the last surving copy hadn't been eaten by an umbrella turtle.

*umbrella turtle snaps angrily at the bits of chewed up paper*

Maybe I should distract it with a picture.

The angry Umbrella Turtle


Yes! It's a picture of you!

*umbrella turtle gazes at it entranced whilst Octa slowly backs away*


Now where was I?


Oh yes. As consolation for no Aztecian play I shall show you an amusing yet educational video!

EDUCATIONAL VIDEO COMMENCE!



So now you know all the kings and queens of England! It may be vital information that could save your life in what would probably be a rather bizarre situation if it actually did have to save you.

I wonder what that situation would be.

Maybe you could suggest some in the comments.

Anway what next?

A short history of absolutely everything?

A medium sized history of absolutely everything?

A really long, stupendously gigantic history of everything?

Maybe a history that lasts as long as HISTORY ITSELF!

No wait! I have it!

I shall give you no history of everything!

*celebrations occur somewhere in Antartica*

Random picture time!



It's a hedgehog cactus. A pink one.


And now.....


For something....


About today...


On this day 45 years ago in 1966 The Vatican abolished its 467 year old list of prohibited books! Yay! No more prohibited books! Humanity has reached the pinnacle of Octaboonaness! Or something! I like books! DON'T BAN THEM!

*screams and is pulled of stage by men in a white van*


But I haven't finished yet! I haven't put in something about the Treaty of Mozhaysk! What blog post would possibly be complete with out it!


*men in white van relucantly agree*


On with the post!


The Treaty of Mozhaysk was a Danish- Russian treaty signed on the 7th August 1562 during the Livonian War. Twas signed by Frederick II of Denmark and Ivan IV of the Russian Tzardom and it was utterly insignificant probably. Well that's all I know about it. I don't actually know what was in the treaty or what the Livonian War was to be honest. But I'm sure that this is satisfactory and far more interesting than The Oblong Hamster of Tenochtitlan.


Hmmm......


A short interlude by my pet rock whilst I search for alligators on the moon.


Pet rock: ........


Some time later:


Pet rock: ...........


*pet rock falls out of a inconviently placed bottlenosed dolphin*


I'm back!


Wasn't rock so elegant and exquisite! Thank you for those words.


Pet rock: ..............


The turtle umbrella bids you all a Merry World Blood Donor Day


*turtle umbrella licks lips*


Feeeeeed meeeeeee!


Qazijex Tootle Inkelvoom

5 comments:

  1. KILL THE VAMPIRES, UMBRELLA TURTLE! KILL ALL OF THEM!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL I loved that video! Hilarious! :P Now if only I had memorized it when I was learning about all the kings and queens of England! :P

    Beautiful, pet rock, amazing dots of magnificence!! Bravo!!!
    ~applauds pet rock~

    You might have to know all the kings and queens of England to save your life in a situation where the umbrella turtle was about to chomp of your head and promised you your life if you could name them all!!
    ... Then he would only take a finger...

    Oooooo preeeetty pink hedgehog cactus!!
    Yes, I want one now.
    ~orders a pink hedgehog cactus~

    ~receives a round package in the mail~
    Yay!
    ~tries to open it and keep being pricked~
    Hmmm... I know! I'll set the package on fire and burn that away leaving only the plant o the inside! Mwahahaha!
    ~pulls out flamethrower~










    News reporter: "That's when a purple poet and a beautiful goddess queen saw the suspected arsonist of the comment section flee the scene as they danced in a nearby meadow... Investigators are still looking into this terrible crime...
    Until next time, this is Susan Peterson reporting live on Dereksville, Blogland news"

    ReplyDelete
  3. They still prohibit books, they just do not tell you about it, they let you read all the gobbledigook you can find in a library but they conceal the things that really matter.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


    I was distracted by the song...I didn't actually absorb much of the information!


    Situation: You are taken back in time and need to place the order of the kings/queens or else all history is in a jumble!!!!






    I once had a pet rock....


    ....but....




    *sniff*





    IT RAN AWAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!





    *runs away crying*

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL
    AWESOME POST Octa!
    LOVE it!

    *walks into her royal bathroom*





    *screams crazily as a dozen alligators from the moon leap out at her from the bathtub and take her hostage*


    Alligators from the moon: SING FOR US PUNY GIRL! SING FOR US THE KINGS AND QUEENS OF ENGLAND SONG!

    Random alligator from the back: Yeah! And do the dance too!

    Kallista: *paniced, looks to Pet Rock for help*

    Pet Rock:.......

    Alligators from the moon: If ya DON'T dance, we iz gonna make you SIT on this here hedgehog cactus!*brings out lovely little cactus with pink flower*

    Kallista:
    *begins franticly singing the King and Queens song while doing the dance* William William Henry Stephen Henry Richard John... *short time later finishes the song*

    Alligators from the moon: HA! Ya MISSED ONE!!!

    Kallista: *screams in horror as cactus is brought out and placed on a chair* No. NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
    *a moment later a loud crazy scream can be heard around blogland*

    *Kallista flees from the room rubbing her sore area*



    *gets struck by 999,999,999 bolts of lightning*

    ReplyDelete