The Eight Great Immortals: The Oblong Hamster of Tenochtitlan

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

The Oblong Hamster of Tenochtitlan

Well I welcome you all to another random blog post! Huzzah!

Today I will be performing the world renound Aztec play "The Oblong Hamster of Tenochtitlan!"

Or I would if the last surving copy hadn't been eaten by an umbrella turtle.

*umbrella turtle snaps angrily at the bits of chewed up paper*

Maybe I should distract it with a picture.

The angry Umbrella Turtle

Yes! It's a picture of you!

*umbrella turtle gazes at it entranced whilst Octa slowly backs away*

Now where was I?

Oh yes. As consolation for no Aztecian play I shall show you an amusing yet educational video!

EDUCATIONAL VIDEO COMMENCE!

So now you know all the kings and queens of England! It may be vital information that could save your life in what would probably be a rather bizarre situation if it actually did have to save you.

I wonder what that situation would be.

Maybe you could suggest some in the comments.

Anway what next?

A short history of absolutely everything?

A medium sized history of absolutely everything?

A really long, stupendously gigantic history of everything?

Maybe a history that lasts as long as HISTORY ITSELF!

No wait! I have it!

I shall give you no history of everything!

*celebrations occur somewhere in Antartica*

Random picture time!

It's a hedgehog cactus. A pink one.

And now.....

For something....

About today...

On this day 45 years ago in 1966 The Vatican abolished its 467 year old list of prohibited books! Yay! No more prohibited books! Humanity has reached the pinnacle of Octaboonaness! Or something! I like books! DON'T BAN THEM!

*screams and is pulled of stage by men in a white van*

But I haven't finished yet! I haven't put in something about the Treaty of Mozhaysk! What blog post would possibly be complete with out it!

*men in white van relucantly agree*

On with the post!

The Treaty of Mozhaysk was a Danish- Russian treaty signed on the 7th August 1562 during the Livonian War. Twas signed by Frederick II of Denmark and Ivan IV of the Russian Tzardom and it was utterly insignificant probably. Well that's all I know about it. I don't actually know what was in the treaty or what the Livonian War was to be honest. But I'm sure that this is satisfactory and far more interesting than The Oblong Hamster of Tenochtitlan.

Hmmm......

A short interlude by my pet rock whilst I search for alligators on the moon.

Pet rock: ........

Some time later:

Pet rock: ...........

*pet rock falls out of a inconviently placed bottlenosed dolphin*

I'm back!

Wasn't rock so elegant and exquisite! Thank you for those words.

Pet rock: ..............

The turtle umbrella bids you all a Merry World Blood Donor Day

*turtle umbrella licks lips*

Feeeeeed meeeeeee!

Qazijex Tootle Inkelvoom

4 comments:

Mar-Chu14 June 2011 at 21:00
KILL THE VAMPIRES, UMBRELLA TURTLE! KILL ALL OF THEM!
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Skyril A.K.A the Vociferous Chatterer, Loyal Forever and Always, The Ever-Present, the Pluviophile14 June 2011 at 21:12
LOL I loved that video! Hilarious! :P Now if only I had memorized it when I was learning about all the kings and queens of England! :P

Beautiful, pet rock, amazing dots of magnificence!! Bravo!!!
~applauds pet rock~

You might have to know all the kings and queens of England to save your life in a situation where the umbrella turtle was about to chomp of your head and promised you your life if you could name them all!!
... Then he would only take a finger...

Oooooo preeeetty pink hedgehog cactus!!
Yes, I want one now.
~orders a pink hedgehog cactus~

~receives a round package in the mail~
Yay!
~tries to open it and keep being pricked~
Hmmm... I know! I'll set the package on fire and burn that away leaving only the plant o the inside! Mwahahaha!
~pulls out flamethrower~

News reporter: "That's when a purple poet and a beautiful goddess queen saw the suspected arsonist of the comment section flee the scene as they danced in a nearby meadow... Investigators are still looking into this terrible crime...
Until next time, this is Susan Peterson reporting live on Dereksville, Blogland news"
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Alexander.15 June 2011 at 00:29
They still prohibit books, they just do not tell you about it, they let you read all the gobbledigook you can find in a library but they conceal the things that really matter.
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.15 June 2011 at 10:30
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

I was distracted by the song...I didn't actually absorb much of the information!

Situation: You are taken back in time and need to place the order of the kings/queens or else all history is in a jumble!!!!

I once had a pet rock....

....but....

*sniff*

IT RAN AWAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

*runs away crying*
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The Blogger's Epic Dictionary

The Blogger’s Epic Dictionary

A dictionary for all whether you’re a new or senior member to the blogs.

The Golden God: Derek Landy, the amazing author to the reason we’re all here: “Skulduggery Pleasant”. ‘The Golden God is so freaking awesome.’

Blogosphere: The Blogging part of the internet that we frequent, our little ‘world’. Used in the context that the Earth or world would be used in. ‘He lived in the Blogosphere, somewhere next to the Youtube-opia.’

Dereksville, Blogsland: A more direct address of where our blogs are. Dereksville is the town, Blogland is the country.

Epica: A word derived from the one ‘Epic’. It pretty much means all that epic already means, plus a lot more. ‘That story is Epica!’ Can also be used with suffixes attached, e.g ‘Epica-ness’. Created by the Blogger ‘Hellboy’.

Fan-fiction: A descriptive piece or story that is written by a ‘fan’ of an already-published story. For instance, most of the Fan-fictions on these Blogs are directly related to the story ‘Skulduggery Pleasant’ by Derek Landy. The word Fan-fiction can be shortened to ‘Fanfic’ or ‘Fan-fic’ if needed.

Skulduggery Pleasant: A book that follows the fictional adventures of one Skulduggery Pleasant, a wise-cracking skeleton detective that can manipulate the elements through magic. He also saves the world, all the time. ’Nuff said.

REG: Random Evil Grin. ‘Don’t worry, my marshmallow-gun is only loaded some of the time. REG!’ This abbreviation was coined by the Blogger 'Pyro-Dawn Tyromant'.

OC: Original Character. This is a character created by you alone that would normally live somewhere in the Skulduggery World.

Bio-rama: This is a Blog created by the Blogger ‘Lizzy’. Its purpose is to be a public place to put your OC up on display for everyone else to see. You normally post you’re OC’s name, age, nationality, weapons, and magical power.

The Eight Great Immortals: This Blog that you are currently on, sometimes shortened to ‘TEGI’, is a blog where eight of the Bloggers came together and decided to make a blog for everyone to visit and read from. The name of the blog is translated from “Octaboona Ambrosius’” name, and another Blogger, ‘Hellboy’ came up with the idea to make the Blog. It is a community place where ideas and knowledge are shared with everyone. The eight Bloggers who came together to make this Blog are: Skyril, Mary Hiashi, Octaboona Ambrosius- Paragon Of The Purple Horde, ~Hellboy~, Lenka, Kallista Pendragon–The Beautiful Goddess Queen, Alex (aka Necros), and Lizzy The Lovely Un-dead Vampire Writer.

Awesomesauce Incarnate: I believe that this piece of lingo was picked up from Mary Hiashi, and it is another expression for labelling something great. ‘Wow, it would be Awesomesauce Incarnate if we could all go to Ireland.’

Frying Pan: If anyone ever mentions a frying pan in the context of using it as a weapon, then I would run. I would run far, and never, ever, look back…

Because a frying pan, in our part of the Blogosphere, has become more than just an ordinary cooking utensil and has transformed itself into a weapon of mass destruction.

The frying pans all belong to 'Mar Chu'. You need to ask to handle one, unless you want to have your head cracked open.

Marshmellow Gun: This weapon strikes fear into the hearts of many souls. It has the sheer power of all our secret fears-Marshmellows. Often has a tendency to shoot in 999,999,999 burst rounds.

Banana Gun: The same as a Marshmellow Gun, but shoots bananas instead. ‘With my marshmallow gun in one hand and my banana gun in the other, I will shoot everyone on this blog, covering them with fruit and confectionary pieces.’

999,999,999 bolts of lightning: You’d better not be wearing any metal on you…

Freaking: A word often used to put emphasis on other words, for instance ‘That’s a freaking awesome story!’ or ‘How the freaking Hell did you get over there?’ It is also sometimes written as ‘frickin’ or ‘freakin’.

Hell yeah/Hells yeah: Basically an affirmative to any great suggestion. “Do you want to be in this fan-fiction I’m writing?” “Hell yeah!” It is also written as ‘Hell yes’ or ‘Hells yes’.

* * or ~ ~: These asterisks are commonly used at each end of a sentence that is not meant to be phrased out loud. The sentence often involves what the writer is doing, eg. ‘*waves to everyone*’. They don’t always have to be what you are doing in real life at that moment, however, because a lot of the time the sentence depicts something fantastically bizarre and untrue. ‘*abnormal sounds from behind, Tardis appears* *hops inside and hijacks it*’

And of course, this instance here would never come true, because, unfortunately, we all know that there would be a sonic screwdriver and an angry, bow-tie-wearing Doctor on the other side of the Tardis’ blue doors.

*glomps*: Best described as a surprise-attack hug, used when someone might enter a conversation and writes ‘*glomps everyone*’.

Chipotle: “A pungent red pepper, often pickled and eaten as an appetizer or added to meat stews, sauces, etc.” (as defined by the Free Online Dictionary) Also known as an Aquatic Chocolate-chip Cookie. Might possibly also be a Mexican food restaurant.

The Purple Poet

A nickname for the Blogger 'Octaboona Ambrosius'. This nickname was coined by the Blogger 'Kallista Pendragon'. Namely the Blogger 'Octaboona Ambrosius' writes poetry and likes purple. So voila!

Yorkshire Pudding: An especially magical item that is wielded courageously by 'Dragona Pine', another Blogger.
Whether you're having an argument or simply being conversational, this item can rarely be beaten or topped.

This Blogger’s Dictionary was written by Hellboy (and edited by Octaboona) to let new and senior Bloggers know exactly what means what. Please enjoy it, use it, and don’t say mean things to it. Dictionaries have feelings too, you know.